BEFORE AND AFTER
The devil came to steal, kill, and destroy a man... but Jesus came to find and save the lost one.
Angela. 20 years of alcohol addiction.
I believed in God, but as a rule, I remembered Him only when I needed to ask Him for something. Now I understand that the first thing to do is to serve God.
Twenty years of my life have gone to waste. During those 20 years, the devil stole everything he could: a happy, love-filled childhood, the people I loved, the job I loved.
Even as a child, and I was born in sunny Moldova, in its capital Chisinau, I remember that they always gave me some wine before meals, because I did not want to eat soup. Probably there was a germ in my genes for an addiction to alcohol: as long as I remember, we always had wine on the table in the house. And how could it not be, if my grandfather had a small vineyard, and the cellar always kept tasty wine in barrels.
I was an open, trusting, cheerful, obedient child. I remember in obedience (my mother said) I took someone else's laundry off the rope in the yard (i.e., I stole it!). And this happened often, changing yards from time to time. Even though I was little, I knew that I was doing something wrong. And of course one day I fell into the hands of the authorities, I was registered with the children's militia.
Ever since I was a little girl, I remember feeling like someone was watching me. No matter where I went, no matter what I did, I always had the feeling of someone's presence. Now I know it was God, the living God, who was, is, and will always be there.
For as long as I can remember, I have lived on the level of stereotypes, patterns of behavior, some rules and norms. I was an Octobrat, a Pioneer, a Komsomol girl, in general an activist. The highest thing I had in my school years was to be a secretary of the school Komsomol organization. When I was already a student of the Philharmonic, I did not manage to join the party, because the political regime changed. Was, as they say, morally stable. In general, even then I sincerely believed in a bright future, and as a pioneer, "Be ready! Always ready! " I did indeed sincerely believe.
Even during my school and college years, as well as in life in general, I remember that I often took the blame, just to have peace and quiet, and no scandals and showdowns. I remember an occasion when I was a senior pioneer leader at school, and I gave an interview to a reporter for the Latvian national pioneer magazine Pionieris. During the interview I expressed my opinion in defense of teachers. And an article "Angela will be a teacher" came out, with Angela-Vilnius: with all my picture from the honor board. I was boycotted in class. I was very worried, I didn't even go to school. But even then, apart from my dad and my mom (not my mother), something inside me calmed me down. Now I understand it's God.
I was, as it seemed to me, a darling of fortune: everything was easy for me: my studies, my job, my social position, my own apartment, and, of course, my marriage to the man I loved. Everything seemed great! But! Emptiness... With my husband, God did not give me children. My husband refused to adopt a child from an orphanage (after I left school, I worked in an orphanage). So I started to find a little solace in alcohol.
My husband worked as a truck driver. He would go on a trip (sometimes he would take me with him), and I would stay home alone. In the evenings (at first), when I came home from school, after checking my student notebooks, there was always vodka. I was a lonely alcoholic. And then I found a girlfriend and some friends to drink with. All in all, a swamp-swamp, which I got more and more involved in. Tried the Minnesota program. So what? I lasted two and a half years. And again all over again, seven of the worst. I sank to the bottom: I lost my favorite job, I divorced my husband, and the constant drunken gatherings in my apartment (and the apartment then turned into a brothel). The worst thing was that I often drank with my former pupils and their fathers...: "Nikolaevna, Angelika, let's have a drink...". Terrible thing... Drinking without waking up... Badly, I cry out: "Lord, help me, please! "
And one day I was met by Nadezhda, who invited me to church, our church in Latvia, in Lielvarde. I remember this first time: Pastor Adam, his wife Dina, children from small to large. All so joyful, so white - white, fellowship in love, praising God so beautifully.
For the first time I heard other languages being spoken... I cried, I was so ashamed. I decided then that that was it, I was done with alcohol. However, the devil did not give up that easily. The fight began, in which our Lord was, as it should be - the Victor! He, in fact, literally wrestled me out of my bonds. All praise be to Him!
I was brought from Latvia to here, to Lithuania, in no condition. My pastor Roman brought me to the Rehabilitation Center, the House of Life, where I was reborn. A loving family, sincere relationships, cultural speech... It was what the devil stole from me and God restored. I now understand that here, in my, our home, He wants to revive everyone in true sincere love, cleansing them from the worldly understanding of the word "love. So to this day I ask Him in my prayers, "Jesus, please teach me to love as you love. ".
The most touching moment was when my pastor suggested inviting the Lord into my heart. God does not burst in, He must be invited through repentance...I remember taking to heart the testimony of my older sisters Laura and Lena, who had pressed me on the path of truth, about their first encounter with Jesus. I was so jealous of it. Thus began my journey of seeking intimacy with Him.
I repented and cried to Him in the secret room, begging for cleansing and forgiveness. The brothers left for work, and I sang to Him alone in the upper room, dancing with Him.
And there was an encounter with the Lord that turned my whole gut upside down. The Holy Spirit touched me so sweetly and gently, as if He had embraced me, and something happened...I cried; I didn't know the word "brokenness" at the time. Then I began to shake from the inside out, like I was convulsing. I couldn't describe it in words, it had to be lived through. I did not want to lose this state... I made a covenant with God through water baptism, wearing clean white clothes.
I thank God for the Church in which I was born, for the pastor, for the House of Life, for the strong brotherhood. It is so nice to remember that the Lord in His plan for me, in my way of knowing Him, also saw the Bible school in Paris (even though it was only the 2nd final semester, but! - a significant one in my life).
God raised me up in our Church to the life we receive and give to others. I was selfish, I didn't need anyone in that life, and now my Church teaches me to love, teaches me to go and give that life to alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes. When I don't have the strength to cope with temptations, I know: the Lord, to whom I turn in prayer, to whom I believe, in Whom I trust, will not leave me! And He, who is always faithful.
Whatever happens in a person's life, I know only one thing, Jesus has the power to change everything, nothing is impossible for Him! God hears me! He teaches me! I want to be Now and Here, where He is, watching myself and the world around me closely, learning God's wisdom, hearing His voice in me, the voice of the living God, saving those like me who were lost, serving them. I believe and know that He will not leave me on my chosen path. And I thank my Father very much for the gift He has given me, the gift of Faith.
I conclude by saying, "They pushed me hard to fall, but the Lord supported me. The Lord is my strength and my song," He has become my Savior" (Ps 117:13-14). Only in Him and with Him is the meaning of my life, only in Him is my fullness. And I want so much to be recognized by Him.
Janis. always liked to drink, especially for the last 5 years.
